Friday, October 29, 2010

seal it with a kiss.

teach me ever to adore thee...


o to grace how great a debtor
daily im constrained to thee
let thy goodness, like a fetter
bind my wandering heart to thee

prone to wander Lord I feel it
prone to leave the God I love

here's my heart
take and seal it
seal it for thy courts above



Here's my heart, Lord.  Take and seal it.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Here, there, everywhere.

I miss India.

A lot.

I miss the heat and being in the constant state of sweat. I miss the dirt roads and my feet caked in dust after being outside for like 2 minutes. I miss never knowing where I was going but not being afraid to just walk and find out. I miss running across the street with no guarantee that you were going to make it in one piece to the other side. I miss grabbing my newly made friends' hands as we hurried across the street. I miss never knowing where to rest my gaze, there was always too much around me, too much to look at it, too much to take in. I miss the deep eyes of the people, that pierced right through you and at the same time were as vast and open as the ocean. I miss adventure, like jumping on the back of a  cute Indian guy's motorcycle and not knowing where we were going but not really caring, as the wind tossed my hair and the dust on the street stung my eyes, and jumping cliff to cliff as we climbed hills to overlook the city. I miss feeling completely out of control, like not knowing what could possibly be done to help, and knowing that helping doesn't always mean fixing problems.. and realizing that I don't even understand what a 'need' truly is.  I miss the feeling of resting in Jesus' arms, and literally only stepping where he leads. I miss holding the hands of children and laughing with the elders who have missing teeth. I miss learning so much that I realize I don't know a thing. I miss the feeling of having absolutely no other option but to let go. I miss the simplicity of the every day. I miss the toilets... or lack there of. I miss the food- the dahls, dosa, tea, poori, parota, naan, idli (pretty sure I misspelled every single one of those). My mouth is watering. I miss the smells, the good ones, the foul ones, the stuffy ones, the fresh ones. I miss it all... I guess what I'm trying to say is.. I miss feeling at home.

and then this song played.. "home, let me come home. Home is wherever I'm with you... home is when I'm in love with You." Oh. Home is anywhere, its everywhere. Its wherever I'm with You. So maybe this has nothing to do with whether I'm here or there. Maybe... its got everything to do with you. Maybe.. its just You.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

"Cause if you want it bad enough, you won't stop until you get it"

Humans, we try so damn hard to be good (thanks for the great quote Dad). Sin its not about doing something that breaks the law, its about breaking the heart of Jesus. Jesus came and freed us from the law, showing us we don't have to try to be anything, because right now, you are already enough. If Jesus were to walk into the library right now, He would come up to me and take my hand- and smile, because I am Allyssa, because I am here with Him. His love in my life is more real than I acknowledge. Its powerful. Dear Jesus, may I sit in your presence., may I lay at your feet and stop trying to run towards emptiness. But may I sit just at your feet. I am not strong enough to do this on my own. I need your forgiveness. I need your hand. I need You. Just You.