Forgive me lover
For I have sinned
For I have done you wrong
For I have hurt
Beyond repair
When tears occurred
No I didn’t care
Forgive me lover
For I have sinned
For I have loved you wrong
But this estranged organ in my chest
Still beats for you
It will not rest, so
Meet me in our secret place
When the time has come
And rest your head
In my lap
And I’ll lead you out of your own trap
And I’ll show you how much
You have missed through the
Time we weren’t right
So forgive me lover
For I have sinned
For I have let you go
But You’ve been every now and then on my mind yeah
Every now and then on my mind yeah
On my mind
--The Swell Season
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Jai Ho
my stomach may be in knots, I may feel tired and lonely, I may feel unsure or unsettled, I may doubt and question and fight, I may want to turn around, I may feel weak and confused, I may not understand or still be unconvinced... But i stepped. I didn't stay put. And that's when the adventure ensues. Living for something greater than my own heart, my own feelings or experiences.. believing, trusting that there is something out there greater than myself. Embracing my insignificance and futility- letting go of self preservation. not only looking through the world with my own eyes- my perspective is jacked, my eyes can only see me in the world... and its so much greater than that. maybe, my feelings aren't the end of the world, maybe thats not the guiding force... maybe theres something more to live by.. to live for, than just how an experience can feel, how much more I can prove my significance, value, or worth... I will always come up short, it will never enough. this world was not created to prove my worth, i was not created and put in this world to find significance here- i will always fall short. as far as this world goes, i will never be enough, i will always sin, temptations will win, selfishness will consume me, pride will guide me --> this life/adventure/journey does not start and end with me. I don't live to be great, what a wasteful effort, simply, i'm just not. I can't live this life waiting for my heart to be fixed, I can't keep waiting until I find the strength to stop being tempted and giving in to sin.. it's not going to happen. I am broken. I will always sin. I will fall short and fail, always. And that is what brings me to my knees when Jesus looks at me and sees all this and then... died for me. What is there to die for? Why? Because he loves me. He has overcome the broken heart, the sin, the temptations, selfishness, and pride.. He has overcome. He is the victory. He holds my broken heart and whispers, "Jai Ho- Victory to thee. Victory to thee because you are mine. Victory to thee because I have done for you what you cannot do for yourself. I have won, I have overcome what you are unable to overcome. I have fought and won the battle that you would have lost, I have conquered that which would have destroyed you, I have overcome what you would have succumbed to. I am your victory. Hold onto me. Victory to thee. Surrender your heart. Victory to thee. Live for me. Victory to thee." I live for greatness, for overcoming, for victory. I was found, fought for, wanted and loved. Jai Ho.
To those who are afraid for tomorrow,
To those who have lost love,
who have been taken from,
who have taken,
To those that are far from home,
To those suffering,
To those remaining in silence,
Jai Ho.
To those who are afraid for tomorrow,
To those who have lost love,
who have been taken from,
who have taken,
To those that are far from home,
To those suffering,
To those remaining in silence,
Jai Ho.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Honesty and Forgiveness = Healing
I think honesty and forgiveness are the key to healing.
Honesty. To be able to even begin to heal, grow, move on, we have to be honest about the pain, the experience, the choices we've made, the regrets we have, the temptations we have succumbed to, the temptations we want to succumb to, our weakness, our frailty.. our sin. We have to go there. There cannot be complete healing without honesty. Honesty requires humility, it requires exposure. There are a couple lyrics running through my head- "That secret that you know, that you don't know how to tell.. it f's with your honor, and it teases your head" -Bon Iver, and a One Republic song that goes "..Till my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I've said... I'm gonna give all my secrets away.." I like that imagery, because honesty gets messy, bloody, it does. Hiding can work for a little while, sure, it allows you to continue doing whatever is you want and no one else knows.. it almost makes it less real because you are the only one experiencing it. Secrets can almost be kind of a thrill sometimes, it can feel like power almost because you have total control of what parts of your life the rest of the world knows. It makes you feel like well, you're in control. I am who I create myself to appear to be. I am who I want them to see. But the truth is, thats not power at all, its fear. Its fear, insecurities, pride. All that is, is a scared little girl, afraid of being known, ashamed of who she is, succumbing to the flesh, giving into selfishness and pride. Its fear, and its binding. The complete opposite of power. When you are hiding, living with secrets, you are not living at all. You are completely controlled by fear, by lies. That. Is. Darkness. Honesty, is that one flame that sheds light on the darkness, that exposes all that is hidden. It smites fear. Its smites pride. (Smite- 1. strike with a firm blow; 2. defeat or conquer). The hardest part is striking that match, is setting ablaze that which is unknown. But once the flame is lit, it burns with ferocity. Honesty exposes all. There is so much freedom in being known. Deceit, pride, sin, has no power over you. Its like that one little pebble that is holding back that huge waterfall trying to flow, and once that little pebble is removed, that huuuuuge gush of water breaks through and flows freely, clearing everything in its path. So here's what I would say, speak. Tell someone. Grab your daddy's hand, a friend, and be known. Don't let fear beat you, you are stronger than that, you are better than that. Fight it. Don't give into those voices telling you to keep your secrets. Sing with me "I'm gonna give all my secrets away".
K. So now we've confessed (apologies for the dramatic word but thats exactly what it is- confession. Its like the purest freshest glass of water you could have after way too much time in the desert). No more secrets. We're naked on the platform, sure theres one way to put it haha. Now what? Well, here's the bitch.. forgiveness. Forgiveness for those that may have wronged you or hurt you and.. forgiveness for yourself. This is when we let go. If we do not forgive, we only continue to carry the burden. We carry the pain, we carry the sin, we carry the hurt. It will be written on the tablet of our heart because unforgiveness has a firm grip. Like secrets, unforgiveness will guide your life, determine your footsteps, it will rule you. Forgiveness equals coming to terms with the fact that we are broken. Forgiving others is letting go of the wrong that has been done unto you. That hurts. We don't get to hold that over the other person's head anymore. We don't get to look at them with hateful eyes, we don't get to push our pain on them.. we have to own it. Owe. Then, when we need forgiveness, now thats humbling. That requires us seeing ourselves for what we are- human. We are not good, we don't have anything figured out, we are not righteous, we are just.. human. If we stay stuck at beating ourselves up, we never get past the sin- we are still letting it have power over us.. its still coming back to us. Forgiveness can only be found at the foot of the cross. We can't conjure that up, that requires complete surrender. O that word.. surrender. It can be hard to swallow, but it is life.
Honesty. To be able to even begin to heal, grow, move on, we have to be honest about the pain, the experience, the choices we've made, the regrets we have, the temptations we have succumbed to, the temptations we want to succumb to, our weakness, our frailty.. our sin. We have to go there. There cannot be complete healing without honesty. Honesty requires humility, it requires exposure. There are a couple lyrics running through my head- "That secret that you know, that you don't know how to tell.. it f's with your honor, and it teases your head" -Bon Iver, and a One Republic song that goes "..Till my sleeves are stained red, from all the truth that I've said... I'm gonna give all my secrets away.." I like that imagery, because honesty gets messy, bloody, it does. Hiding can work for a little while, sure, it allows you to continue doing whatever is you want and no one else knows.. it almost makes it less real because you are the only one experiencing it. Secrets can almost be kind of a thrill sometimes, it can feel like power almost because you have total control of what parts of your life the rest of the world knows. It makes you feel like well, you're in control. I am who I create myself to appear to be. I am who I want them to see. But the truth is, thats not power at all, its fear. Its fear, insecurities, pride. All that is, is a scared little girl, afraid of being known, ashamed of who she is, succumbing to the flesh, giving into selfishness and pride. Its fear, and its binding. The complete opposite of power. When you are hiding, living with secrets, you are not living at all. You are completely controlled by fear, by lies. That. Is. Darkness. Honesty, is that one flame that sheds light on the darkness, that exposes all that is hidden. It smites fear. Its smites pride. (Smite- 1. strike with a firm blow; 2. defeat or conquer). The hardest part is striking that match, is setting ablaze that which is unknown. But once the flame is lit, it burns with ferocity. Honesty exposes all. There is so much freedom in being known. Deceit, pride, sin, has no power over you. Its like that one little pebble that is holding back that huge waterfall trying to flow, and once that little pebble is removed, that huuuuuge gush of water breaks through and flows freely, clearing everything in its path. So here's what I would say, speak. Tell someone. Grab your daddy's hand, a friend, and be known. Don't let fear beat you, you are stronger than that, you are better than that. Fight it. Don't give into those voices telling you to keep your secrets. Sing with me "I'm gonna give all my secrets away".
K. So now we've confessed (apologies for the dramatic word but thats exactly what it is- confession. Its like the purest freshest glass of water you could have after way too much time in the desert). No more secrets. We're naked on the platform, sure theres one way to put it haha. Now what? Well, here's the bitch.. forgiveness. Forgiveness for those that may have wronged you or hurt you and.. forgiveness for yourself. This is when we let go. If we do not forgive, we only continue to carry the burden. We carry the pain, we carry the sin, we carry the hurt. It will be written on the tablet of our heart because unforgiveness has a firm grip. Like secrets, unforgiveness will guide your life, determine your footsteps, it will rule you. Forgiveness equals coming to terms with the fact that we are broken. Forgiving others is letting go of the wrong that has been done unto you. That hurts. We don't get to hold that over the other person's head anymore. We don't get to look at them with hateful eyes, we don't get to push our pain on them.. we have to own it. Owe. Then, when we need forgiveness, now thats humbling. That requires us seeing ourselves for what we are- human. We are not good, we don't have anything figured out, we are not righteous, we are just.. human. If we stay stuck at beating ourselves up, we never get past the sin- we are still letting it have power over us.. its still coming back to us. Forgiveness can only be found at the foot of the cross. We can't conjure that up, that requires complete surrender. O that word.. surrender. It can be hard to swallow, but it is life.
"All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now."
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now."
Worldly pleasures all forsaken, take me Jesus, take me now. Forgiveness requires letting go- surrendering.
I am frail. I am weak. I am broken. I am a sinner.
Then there's Jesus.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
re:
people come and go out of our lives, and i will be easily let go of and forgotten by most. in fact in a few generations, my name won't even be spoken of.
but thousands of years ago, a man died for me. he died for me. He died for me because he wanted me. Before I was even born. Time is of no essence. He wants me. He will not leave me, no matter how much time may pass, no matter how much distance may separate us, no matter how many times i run, no matter how many times i hide, no matter how many times i forget... He will always be right here, wanting me... I think i just discovered freedom.
but thousands of years ago, a man died for me. he died for me. He died for me because he wanted me. Before I was even born. Time is of no essence. He wants me. He will not leave me, no matter how much time may pass, no matter how much distance may separate us, no matter how many times i run, no matter how many times i hide, no matter how many times i forget... He will always be right here, wanting me... I think i just discovered freedom.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
My Sweet Jesus.
My Sweet Jesus
Hold me,
For my quivering legs can't support me any longer.
Make still my heart,
For its racing beat won't last.
Stroke my head,
For my mind just wont stop running.
Take my hand,
For this loneliness is consuming.
Lead me,
For I am only stumbling along this path.
My Dear Jesus.
Let me embrace you,
For I am searching for affection.
Let me touch your face,
For I want to know this is real.
Let me grab onto your hand,
For I'm longing for a connection.
Let me see your smile,
For I want to feel.
Let me hear your voice,
For this silence is drowning.
My Precious Jesus.
Take my heart.
Hold it dear to your own.
For I am discovering it cannot
Carry on without you.
As I lay at the foot of the cross,
I entrust it to you.
Take it in your hands
So it may always seek You.
Your heart will forever cherish
my heart.
Hold me,
For my quivering legs can't support me any longer.
Make still my heart,
For its racing beat won't last.
Stroke my head,
For my mind just wont stop running.
Take my hand,
For this loneliness is consuming.
Lead me,
For I am only stumbling along this path.
My Dear Jesus.
Let me embrace you,
For I am searching for affection.
Let me touch your face,
For I want to know this is real.
Let me grab onto your hand,
For I'm longing for a connection.
Let me see your smile,
For I want to feel.
Let me hear your voice,
For this silence is drowning.
My Precious Jesus.
Take my heart.
Hold it dear to your own.
For I am discovering it cannot
Carry on without you.
As I lay at the foot of the cross,
I entrust it to you.
Take it in your hands
So it may always seek You.
Your heart will forever cherish
my heart.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
give me Jesus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N3KPA9ltQE&feature=related
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I am alone
When I am alone
When I am alone, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
When I come to die
When I come to die
When I come to die, give me Jesus
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
But give me Jesus
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