Home.

For the past two days I was working with the nurses in the Community Health Department here at the School of Nursing. First of all, every single one of the nurses are remarkable. We walked out into the rural villages and went into the homes.. well huts of the people that the nurse was treating. Their houses were made of cement and mud walls with woven tree branches for a roof. They invited us in the home and served us tea (which was honestly the most incredible tea I've ever had in my entire life). Their home consisted of a kitchen, a prayer room (they were a Hindu family), and their bedroom, which we were standing in. They did not have much, but of course they offered to serve us dinner and gave us the tea. These people are just natural servers and givers. I feel that I am a naturally selfish person, my initial reaction is not to give all that I have so that I have nothing, of course, my gut reaction is to look out for myself... but these people like most innate reaction, is to give away and be sure their community (or complete strangers in this case) are cared for. Truly remarkable people. We thanked them for tea, and the grandma of the house grabbed my hand and looked in my eyes and smiled. I am a blessed young woman to be here and meet these people... I just feel like I am in a dream all the time.

...but that dream came to a rude awakening. This morning I was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU). I spent the morning holding the hand and rubbing the head of a 12 year old boy who has muscular myopathy. He can't move his muscles at all, and therefore cannot breathe on his own. He is totally competent and can look write at you, but cannot move his body at all. He laid there and stared at me with tears falling down his cheeks... later the nurse told me, he missed his mama.

I thought I would share the mission statement of the Rural Unit of Heath and Social Affairs (part of CMC)...

Go the people
Love them
Live among them
Learn from them
Start with what they know
Build on what they ahve
But of the best leaders
when their task is accomplished
their work is done
the people all say
we have done it ourselves.

Yeah, these people are remarkable. I can't even explain how much there is to learn from this place.

On a bus ride from the city out into the rural villages, I was having a conversation with some friends from the program. We were talking about religion and different theologies, etc... and in the end all I could say to them about my life... of course with tears and all haha... is that I live my life as a love affair. When you are in love with someone, your life looks different, you are different. All I know is the greatest desire in me is to love and be loved, and the true desire that my heart longs for, the most innate desire at the core of who I am, is Jesus... and my heart can only long for Him, because He first chose me. I am loved. That is the most incredible thing one can know... I am loved. We are all wanted, He is in love with each of us. Wow.

On the bus today back form the hospital I was sitting next to my professor and she was telling me how when her and her husband were married, they lived in Japan, then India, and moved to the States for the first time for both of them in '98. So I was asking her if the States felt like home now.. and she said- well, my husband and i have made it a point in our lives to say, wherever we lay our head tonight is home.. that way we are always going home. It brought tears to my eyes and I said you are incredible. And she said to me- well, I see that is the way you live your life, Allyssa. Right away this song came to my head, its by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, the song goes- "Home, yes I am home. Home is wherever I'm with you." Jesus, home is wherever I'm with You... "I am not my own, for I have been made new, please don't let me go, I desperately need You." A friend asked me to describe this trip and experience in one word, and well I guess I would have to say... home.