Live.

So people suffer. We all have pain in our lives. Everyone of us knows what it feels like to have a broken heart. For some of us its a lost love, maybe abuse, maybe watching your child die in a hospital bed, maybe not being able to feed your family- whether you're a rural farmer with no crop or a business man in Chicago that can't find a job. Maybe you had a rough childhood with an abusive father, maybe you never had a father, maybe hunger pains keep you awake at night, maybe your empty bed from your runaway husband keeps you awake... whatever it is, we all hurt. Pain makes us human. You cannot be human and experience life without pain. It is one thing that binds us all together- as a human you will have pain in your life. You have to embrace that and accept that. You cannot first understand love without suffering and loss. We must remember this- we all have a story. There are great things that make up our story and there are terrible, traumatic, and disheartening things that also write our story- every single one of our stories have both of these elements. You have to face them all. You have to embrace every part of your story... but remembering that the events that happen in your life- they are not your burdens to carry. Yes, we must accept our stories, while remembering they do not define us. I think this is absolutely crucial. We can learn from and accept our whole selves without bearing the weight of life. Because lets be real, life is hard.. and pain sucks. a lot. And as long as we are breathing, we will experience pain. So how do we go on in life knowing this? That we cannot escape the human condition- suffering. Well thats where this whole love story comes in. Falling in love requires humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to be known. A willingness to be known. We don't like to be vulnerable, well I will speak for myself, I dont like to be vulnerable. It is scary. Letting people see my true self means they will know that life isnt perfect, I have made mistakes and done things in life that would label me as unworthy and unloveable, in fact I have believed those things for a long time. This is because I carried my mistakes- lets just call them sins, and carried the wrong that has been done unto me- lets just call that unforgiveness a sin while we are at it... those happenstances or choices in my life defined me. And I couldn't let them go- I thought I was the only who could carry them, it was my weight to carry... but what about that one verse? It goes something like- come to me for my burden is light (wow I actually don't know what the exact verse is but I hope youre following haha). As Jesus has pursued me, this verse has become more relevant. I mean, this is a huge part of the cross. Jesus came here and suffered for me so I wouldn't have to. He died for me because He wants me. And I started to see something- maybe my story doesn't define me.. maybe Jesus does. Maybe, who I am has nothing to do with what has happened in my life, not to say we can just disregard and disconnect ourselves from our experiences because they build our story and our story will be with us for the rest of our lives... but I started to see that maybe who I am is just this- a being that is completely and wholly loved and known and wanted. A being that is sought after and fought for. I am wanted. I am loved. I am beautiful.
I dont really have this whole thing worked out quite yet. I don't think I ever will have it worked out actually. But I do know this and am more certain and convinced of this than ever before- our hearts long for Jesus. We were created to love and be loved. And the only place our hearts find that true true love that our deepest parts of our soul long for- is in Jesus. Whether you are Muslim, Hindu, Christian, a rich white man, a lost orphan, an abused wife, a king, a budhist, an atheist... whoever you are, you cannot deny the deep desire to be loved and known and wanted. And you cannot deny that there is no escape from pain on this earth and that deep down we cannot find true satisfaction on this earth. The answer does not lie within.
I am learning this-
Doubt your doubts and hold onto truth. Hold on to truth with absolutely everything you have within you.
Dont be afraid to believe.
Don't be afraid to embrace your story and be honest about your pain. And then don't stop there.
Dont be afraid to not carry your burdens. Let go.
Let yourself be pursued. Let your heart be vulnerable. Share your life with Jesus. Let Him hold your heart, He knows how to keep it safe and kindle it.
And lastly I am learning this..
Live. Jump over a crevasse to a cliff, hold a dying child's hand, share your struggles with someone, walk away from a man who doesn't see your beauty and your worth, stop getting drunk every weekend to escape feeling lonely, sing in front of a lot of people, run across a street in India (let me tell you it's actually quite a thrill because the driving here is RIDICULOUS). Just live. Know yourself. And walk on.

I am learning what it means to fall in love. To fall in love with Jesus. Everyday. I have shared this lyric a lot but it keeps replaying in my head over and over "I am not my own, for I have been made new. Please don't let me go, I desperately need You." I doubt, a lot, I hurt, I laugh, I cry, I get angry, I get excited, I get disappointed and let down.... and He remains. No matter what happens I know this- I am loved. I am not my own. Life is going to blow at times. Jesus is greater than it all. He is greater than it all. You know that means? We get to dance because we are free.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

"In this life you will have troubles, but take heart, for I have overcome this world."

I don't really have complete thoughts and not sure how to wrap this up... thank you for praying for the people of India. As I hold the hands of these little children and share tea with the women in the villages, I just keep singing to Jesus- Your heart will kindle our hearts.